Evil Origami Rabbit From Hell

The week before spring break, we had a substitute teacher at my school. We were also in the middle of CSAPs. CSAPs are the standardized tests given in Colorado as a result of the evil federal bureaucracy known as No Child Left Behind. It is the evil spawn of Satan! Say it like Ace Ventura. Anywho, this substitute was covering for a teacher who should've been proctoring the test. Can you blame a teacher for calling off? Actually, the teacher in question had to go back to Missouri for a family funeral. St. Charles, I believe. I told her to bring me back some Ted Drewes, but no dice.

So this sub was assigned my room to proctor these tests in and my classes were cancelled. But I stayed in the room with him. The victims...I mean testees (not to be confused with testes)...were not s'posed to left unattended. Having back-up allows the proctor to go to the bathroom, get a cup of coffee, write their last will and testament, etc.

I have various and assorted origami forms sitting on the top of my computer monitor. The sub was admiring them and said he did origami as well. I told him to bring it!

First, he made a sea serpent. Interesting.

Then he made a rabbit. Very interesting. I made my bunny. He got his feelers hurt and attacked my bunny with his rabbit like the blood-thirsty rabbits in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

When the dust settled, I asked him to give me the directions to his sea serpent. He drew out the directions for the sea serpent, quite nicely I might add, but when I asked for the directions for the rabbit, he said it was hard to make and he didn't think he could do it. I let it go as it was almost time for spring break and CSAPs are stupid.

But when I came back to work on Monday, there was the rabbit still on my desk. Taunting me. Teasing me. Laughing out loud at me. The blood-thirsty rabbit had thrown down his tiny paper gauntlets...no instructions.

So I did what any self-respecting origami fiend would do. I undid the rabbit, one fold at a time, writing out the folds and drawing pictures as I went.

It was sad, let me tell you. I threw any number of poor deformed rabbits away. They were ripped, mangled, too short, too long, looking like a sad excuse for a jackalope.

But I kept at it. Was there cussing? Under my breathe while I had kids in class. Not that they never heard such words (double negative...public school education), but I'm expected to present some illusion of decorum. Carla, my sushi enabler, just kind of backed away slowly and asked if she should call the sub for me to get the directions. I said, "NO! But if I ever see him again or find out where he lives...." Carla just kept backing away slowly.

Well, today, at around 3:00, I finally got the rabbit. I'm going to have to re-draw my directions to be more exact. And when I got home, I made another one just to see if I could remember it. I could.

The rabbit is mine.

(Insert evil laugh)

P.S. When I spelled checked...CSAPs came up as "scabs".